Setting Realistic Intentions for the New Year

gingerstherapynotebook
Jan 8
4 min read

This content is educational and reflective in nature and is not meant to replace clinical advice.

Are you already feeling overwhelmed or burnt out by your New Year’s resolutions? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us start January with ambitious plans, only to notice our motivation and energy steadily decline by the end of the month. It’s confusing because New Year’s resolutions are intended to improve our lives, yet so often have the opposite effect– causing feelings of disappointment, guilt, or self-criticism.

I believe the problem isn’t you. It’s the way resolutions are often framed. Let’s explore why traditional New Year’s resolutions can backfire and how setting intentions instead can support your mental health, values, and real life.

Why Do Most New Year’s Resolutions Make Us Feel Worse About Ourselves?

Unrealistic Expectations

Many resolutions are rooted in perfectionism rather than an honest assessment of our current season of life. When you’re already stretched thin (emotionally, physically, or mentally) adding high-intensity goals can actually increase stress rather than create growth.

Common examples:

“I’ll do two 30-minute workouts every day.”
“I’ll just stop feeling anxious.”
“I’ll never eat out again.”

These goals often ignore your energy level, nervous system capacity, and how you actually want to feel. When resolutions are driven by pressure and unrealistic expectations, they’re hard to sustain- and often don’t last beyond a few weeks.

Perfectionism and All-or-Nothing Thinking

High achievers are especially vulnerable to the belief that change must happen quickly and perfectly. Missing one planned workout or coping skill can trigger thoughts like:

“I’ve already failed-why bother continuing?”

This all-or-nothing mindset undermines progress and replaces motivation with shame. Instead of supporting growth, resolutions become another way to measure self-worth.

Losing Touch With Our Own Needs

Social media constantly shows us what others are doing (e.g, waking up earlier, exercising harder, achieving more). It becomes easy to prioritize comparison over checking in with your own emotional readiness and values.

It’s incredibly hard to build healthy habits when:

You’re emotionally overwhelmed
You’re carrying chronic beliefs of “not being enough”
You’re stuck in survival mode
You’re motivated by external pressure or comparison

Even the most well-organized plan can fall apart without emotional capacity and nervous system regulation.

Why Intentions Feel Kinder Than Goals?

Goals focus on what you want to do.

Intentions focus on how you want to live and what you need.

For example:

Goal: “I’ll do two 30-minute workouts every day.”
Intention: “I want to listen to my body and care for it with kindness.”

Intentions:

Keep you aligned with your values
Allow flexibility instead of rigidity
Reduce perfectionism
Help you notice and celebrate small wins

You are more than your productivity or performance. Intentions help shift the focus from doing more to being more present and compassionate with yourself.

How To Gently Shift My Goals to Intentions?

Step 1: Start With Reflection

Before choosing an intention, pause. Meaningful change begins with curiosity, not criticism. Instead of asking what you should fix, try exploring what you genuinely need. Look beneath your goals to the values driving them—are they rooted in care for yourself or in external pressure? When you identify a value that feels harmful or exhausting, see if it can be gently reshaped into something more supportive. For example, shifting from seeking external praise to practicing self-compassion can transform a goal like “doubling workouts” into an intention to move your body in ways that feel attuned, caring, and sustainable.

You might reflect on:

What feels most important to me right now?
What supported me last year?
What felt heavy or draining?
What change would feel kind, not punishing?
What small daily action might support my well-being?
What value lives underneath this desire—calm, health, connection, self-compassion?

Step 2: Plan for Real Life, Not Your Perfectionist Self

Intentions work best when they fit the life you’re actually living—not an idealized version of yourself. It’s okay if what worked last year doesn’t work now. Growth can look like slowing down, simplifying, or choosing rest.

Instead of rigid rules, try choosing a direction:

Rather than “never eating out,”
You might choose “mostly eating at home while still enjoying flexibility and connection.”

Gentle structure supports consistency without shame.

Step 3: Check in With Compassion

Create a softer system for checking in with yourself and your intentions. Rigid scheduling can be hard because life is unpredictable. Instead, you might create a monthly chart where you check a box for each activity or intention you want to track (3X kind movement instead of intense exercise, 10X cooked at home, 4X used coping skills when anxious). Here, there is no pressure to get things done on a certain day, and you can see the checks accumulate over the month. You can keep these charts in a folder as the year progresses to keep a visual record of your progress. This is a powerful tool and reminder that small consistent actions really do add up to something significant.

(To help guide this process, I’ve created a free reflection worksheet you can screenshot here).

Final Thoughts

New Year’s resolutions are meant to inspire hope and motivation, yet for so many of us they end up doing the opposite—leaving us feeling inadequate or measuring our worth by how productive we are. It’s important to remember that growth isn’t about becoming a perfect version of yourself. It’s about choosing a direction and taking small, realistic steps that fit your actual life. When your intentions are meaningful and your plan honors your capacity, you’re already setting yourself up for success.

A resolution doesn’t have to begin on January 1st, and it doesn’t have to stay the same all year long. You’re allowed to adjust, pause, and begin again as often as you need. True success isn’t measured by performance or output, but by self-awareness, compassion, and the gentle commitment to keep showing up for yourself, again and again.

With kindness,

Ginger 🕯️ ☁️ 🌙